drenched in the down pour...

it's easy to trust God when you have $10,000.00 in the bank.

when the money is gone and the circumstances haven't changed, the word "trust" and "faith" have a whole new meaning.

it's amazing to me when i think i have it figured out and then He does what He's been planning to do since the beginning of time.

top of the line care for my child. handling financial commitments that He laid on Ryan's heart to make. using that financial commitment as a way to teach me to trust that my husband hears God's voice. Using friends as a means of provision to honor that financial commitment. it's a cycle of provision that even my best idea could have never measured up to.

When you listen and are quick to obey, He is quick to provide... every single time.

i've found that of course it's easy to trust God when you have $10,000.00 in the bank.

but what i've discovered over the last year is more valuable than any amount of money could ever pay for.

when i walk in steps of faith, God will take care of those who He calls His own, and who call Him their own, time and time again.

when i stop trying to force His hand, He moves in ways that are more creative than even the most amazing of plans that I could dream and it blesses more people than just the ones involved.

when i trust that my husband and i are in this together and we walk in obedience to the one who has called us, we become more united that even the oldest of couples.

when i stop, watch, look, and remain amazed at the hand of the Lord, my lips can't help but sing praises to the God in the highest. My feet can't help but dance before the Lord. My hands can't stop clapping in the highest of admiration to the King of all Kings. My mind can't focus on anything but the overwhelming goodness of my God.

dancing in the rain and being drenched by the down pour is a steady reminder of the Hand that is so quick to provide rain to the dry land...
watching the trees clap their hands and dance before the Lord shows me to dance the dance of victory in the land of provision...
the thunder is that of all of the angels singing over and over and over ...
Glory to God in the highest.

i take comfort in what the psalmist said "I was once young and now I am old. I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor their children begging bread."

longevity and provision.

I want to live long enough to tell of His goodness in the oldest of age. that I can look back and never once regret walking in what He's asked me to do.

what if my life could be a reflection of the hand of God at all times? what better testimony could there be?

i want to be drenched in the down pour and dance in the land of the living

Jesus died for Lady Gaga as much as He died for me...

I love Monday.

Today was especially fun.

Adeline and I had a lot of time at home today so we got to just hang out. I downloaded some new music and we had a dance party of sorts. She put on her ballerina costume and was a dancing fool.

We danced to "Edge of Glory" by Lady Gaga and it was so fun! I captured the entire thing on camera and I smeared it on facebook. I posted it to all of our family. Everyone loved how cute it was! ... well... maybe not EVERY one.

A couple of hours later, I read a post that basically said people who claim to be followers of Christ should not be "supporting" Lady Gaga and proceeding to quote Ephesians 5:11 - "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them."

I'm not going to lie, I wanted to scream.

I just heard an amazing sermon series called "Cow Tipping" by Steven Furtick at Elevation Church.
The message was all about killing the sacred cows in the church.
Listening to secular music, watching rated "R" movies, drinking a glass of wine with dinner, etc.

Making black and white out of things that are gray. That's called Legalism.

Don't put your convictions on other people. Just because you have a conviction about something that is a gray issue in the bible doesn't mean that you are allowed to put that conviction on someone else. Don't be legalistic.

The exception to this rule is when you accept a leadership position and the authority in charge has asked something of the people who lead. If you agree to something and then choose not to obey it for whatever reason, you are in sin. Not because of the act, but because of the disobedience.

For example, Ryan has put in the Revolution application that you will agree not to drink while on staff at the Revolution. The bible doesn't prohibit drinking. It speaks clearly about getting drunk. Drinking is a gray area. HOWEVER, Ryan has asked his staff to agree to not drinking at all. If someone agrees to that rule and then breaks the rule, they are not sinning because they drank alcohol, they are sinning against the authority over them.

I have come to realize about myself that I have a real problem with people who push their convictions on me and my family.

I have a good, solid relationship with God. I know Him and I know His voice. I know the Holy Spirit and understand the thought and the process of conviction.

Pray for my soul, if you must, that's fine.

I promise that listening to Lady Gaga will not send my soul to hell.

On a lighter note, the video that I recorded is absolutely adorable. It's going to remain on facebook, so if we're friends, feel free to check it out.
If we're friends and you think that listening to Lady Gaga is sinful, please avoid watching said video.

Jesus died for Lady Gaga, too...

A Help(WHAT)?!?

It's been almost six years since I said "I do" to my husband. We actually used the words "I will" but for simplicities sake, our anniversary is in a month.

We had no idea what we were getting into. We were (barely) twenty years old and were completely crazy about each other. We didn't care that we were completely opposite in almost every single way. The things that drove us crazy about each other were the things that brought us to each other. The things that we fought passionately about were the same things that made us passionate about each other. It's just who we were... Ryan and Sunshine.

Over the last six years, we have grown exponentially. Individually and together. We have changed, drastically, from the people we were to the people we are... individually and together.

I am a naturally a "take-charge" sort of person while Ryan is naturally a "laid-back" sort of person. I am often too opinionated while he is often (in my opinion) not opinionated enough.

Yesterday I had some major mind-shifting revelations. I can't explain it. I would liken it to what Oprah would call an "Ah-ha moment".

Except it wasn't so ah-haish.

It was more like ... ... ... thank you GAWD!!

I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!

I am here to be Ryan's helper!! Not his boss, critic, devil's advocate, co-worker, or fellow church staffer... I am his HELPER.

I help him succeed.
I help him look good.
I help him grow.
I help him follow Jesus.
I help him live life!

For so long I have resisted being "Ryan's Wife".

MY NAME IS SUNSHINE!!! NOT RYAN'S WIFE!

But now...
Hi, I'm Ryan's wife, Sunshine.
My job in life is to love Jesus, love Ryan, love my family, and love my friends... in that order.

This "helpmate" thing is going to take some time for me to figure out.

If you're a close friend of ours, you're probably dying laughing at this moment at the mere THOUGHT of me being a wife who ADORES her husband instead of CRITICIZING him. I'm going to do it.

I think he's bringing sexy back in a whole new way. He's a hard working man who loves God, has incredible faith, adores his wife, loves his family, and shares his life with the people around him. He's loyal and content and extremely hot. I have no reason not to be crazy about him and crazy in love with him.

here's to the new adventure of being a helper to the one I love...

don't hold my words against me.

some days I want to work out
and
some days I want to lay around
and
watch way too much TV.

I want to learn to knit.
I want to master the art of photography.
I want to work out consistently.
I want to be lazy.
I want to be a nutritious snob.
I want to eat cheap, not healthy.
I want to earn a lot of money.
I want to experience sacrifice.
I want to fight to the death.
I want to give up.

Some people feel that this sort of non-sense is

wishy-washy.

This is me.

If I say I want to do something
I want to do it.

I might not ever follow through.
I might change my mind.
I might feel like I'm going to fail.
I might be scared to tell you I don't know.
I might hate you if you pressure me.
I might break down in tears.
I might give up.

This is me.

I will overcome.
I will live life.
I will be better than your expectations of me.
I will come out stronger.
I will fight harder.
I will show you that I can do anything.
I will pursue greatness.
I will surpass your limits on me.

But if I don't.

Will you love me?
Will you think I'm good enough?
Will you value my existence over my achievements?
Will you ensure I survive?
Will you follow through with your promises?
Will you never leave?

Whatever you do.

Please.

Don't hold.

my words.

against me.

if not for grace...

Grace - When God gives you something you don't deserve.
Mercy - When God withholds the punishment that you do deserve.

I am grateful for both.

The grace of God is something that overwhelms me when I think of it.

Some days I am so reminded of where I have come from. Today is one of those days. In just five short days, I will celebrate 13 years of walking with Jesus.
I can't believe it.
So far, it's been an epic love story.
There's been romance, love, hurt, heartache, tears of joy, dances of victory, and crying in the valley.

The story is still being written.

His grace covered my life long before I recognized it as what it really was.

There were so many stupid decisions that could have led to so many different outcomes.
His grace covered me.
There were words spoken over me that could have destroyed me.
His grace covered me.
There were wounds so deep that could have poisoned, infected, and killed me.
His grace covered me.

Time and time again, I can look back and say that His grace surely did cover me.

I desperately want my life to reflect the level of grace that He had on me.
I want that grace to be so evident on and in my life that people will say of my life: "Surely she has stood in the presence of the Lord."

Just like any great love story, the middle and end are just as exciting as the beginning. After almost thirteen years, I am more intrigued and more passionately in love than I have ever been.

I haven't even begun to touch the surface of who God is and yet I'm so deep already.

I just want my life to convey the love and the grace of my God.

"Oh how amazing the grace that is leading the lost and the prodigals home"
- New Life Worship

Filled with awe and wonder,
SV

humming old hymns...

I had a starbucks date with one of our students tonight. It's amazing to me how comfy chairs and hot chocolate can allow someone to open up.

After an hour of general conversation, she told me she desperately wanting to connect to her dad. She told me about her other friends who have dads that show affection and adoration for their children. She began to describe the relationship that she wishes she had with her dad.

There's something that is inside of every single girl that desires to have a relationship with her daddy. There is an innocence inside of every girl to be a daddy's girl. Girls want to be loved, admired, and adored by their dads.

Sadly, especially in this world, the relationship between a dad and a daughter has been pushed to the bottom of the unending list of things that need to happen on a daily basis. We cannot forget the importance of this relationship.

For those girls who desire that relationship, but have no father, I have some encouraging news for you!

Psalm 68:3-6 says it like this:
But may the righteous be glad
and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful.
Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the cloudsa—
his name is the Lord—
and rejoice before him.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families
he leads forth the prisoners with singing;

I love how God really is a Father to the fatherless. He has a special place in His heart for the people of this world who are missing out on a relationship with their father.

I love that God has adopted me into His family.

For so long, I felt like an orphan child. I never could understand why my dad didn't want a relationship with me. As I got older, it got harder and harder to understand. Even to this day, I don't understand how a dad could just walk away from his family.
BUT I KNOW NOW that my God is the best father that I could ever have.

I am feeling more and more ready to share my story with the world. After tonight, I feel like if even one person can be encouraged, inspired, or challenged by my story, then every second of my life would have been worth it.

Tonight I was reminded at how grateful I am that God is a good God and is a father to the fatherless. I really am so glad that I'm part of the family of God.

In the world of Sunshine, this blog is all about how blessed I am.
(warning... this post is all about me talking through figuring something out)

Six weeks ago, I was blessed with the most amazing opportunity in the world... I witnessed the miracle of life take place.
Eden Olivia Wells was born and my life was changed.

I have had the blessings of good, steady, solid friendships in my life. I think God knows me well enough that I was never meant to live life alone. I need people around me, living life with me, walking beside me and God has been so gracious in strategically placing people all along the way.

The friends who have been placed in my life are not surface "how ya doing?" passerby kind of friends. They are the kind who look me in the eye and say "how are you." and no matter what the answer, they love me. At that question, I have given all sorts of answers at all sorts of points of life with all sorts of emotions... and the people who are really on the journey have always stuck with me.


What I'm starting to discover about life is that relationships really are the most important part of life. They take hard work, they change and evolve, and they don't always happen the way you think, but they are what's important in life.
I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people who God has allowed me to walk with. I don't have much to offer to the friends who I've been given, but I love them.


Eden entering into this world a few weeks ago was one of the most life changing events that I have every experienced.

Standing in the hospital room with Rachel and LG was a total representation of what I want my friendships to look like. It represented a way of life. Rachel was obviously the one who had to do the work, but LG and I were right there letting her know she wasn't in this alone. Not only was she not going to do the delivery alone but that she wasn't going to have to raise her alone. It was like LG and I were signing up for life... we're in this!

The next couple of hours and days of Eden's life helped me to remember what level of dependency children have on their parents. She looked to Rachel for everything... security, food, love, shelter... everything. My thoughts immediately turned to the miracle God gave me ... Adeline Grace. Oh my word. I remember being the one in the hospital bed with a newborn depending on me for her every need. It wasn't too long ago! It forced me to try to figure out at what point I started letting everything be more important than her.
Ministry life is draining and fulfilling. It's rewarding and exhausting. The problem is that most people forget that it's not the one getting the pay check, but it's the entire family who is impacted by "ministry life". It never turns off. You have to always wear your ministry hat. It's part of who you are. It is my responsibility to show Adeline that before I love one single person in the church, I love her. That's what's really important in life. The relationship between me and my daughter. I'm her mom before I'm anything in the church... and somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. Since then, I have cut everything except Wednesday night youth services. I want her to know without question that she's more important than anyone else.
That, of course, those thoughts led me to a relationship that's even more important than that one. My daughter will have the most amount of love and security if she knows that I love her dad more than anyone. That means a little more PDA (this one falls on me). It means that I keep our house running as a home and my husband knows that I love and respect him. I want Adeline to see the solid foundation of her parents loving each other with a mature love. It's playful and it's passionate. It's silly and sincere.
Moving on to the most important relationship ... it's the relationship with my creator. I want to be continually falling in love and pursuing the heart of God...

I guess in my journey right now, I am at a point of discovering what's really important in life. It's my relationships with people.
Not the relationships that have ill intentions, but the ones that are a deep rooted love for one another that will stand through the test of time...

So. What's most important in life? Relationships. simple as that.



1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

a mop bucket and a midnight trip to walmart.

In the name of Jesus...

Sometimes when I don't know what to pray, I just say the name of Jesus. There's so much power in just His name. I've stood in His presence and still even His name changes things.

I'm truly at a loss for words.

in the words of David Crowder:
Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it upto You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
You're my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You


I sit here, amazed, at the goodness of God.
I remember the bold prayers of a teenage girl.
I don't want to live on the faith that once was, but on the constant discovery of the God I serve.
I want to pursue His heart.
I desire to seek His face and know the voice of the living God.
I will rejoice, and even dance, in the uncertainty that life brings, because I am held in the hand of the living God.
I will sing of His goodness and rejoice in the darkness because of the clarity of His promise in the light.
I will be confident in my approach to His throne, sure of the grace that I've received.
I will not live on the experience of my past, but live with complete expectancy of what's to come, knowing that I can only go deeper in His presence.

To my husband Ryan:
I listened to that podcast. I get you. I really do. I admire your heart and your passion to know God on a completely different level. How do you become like Tommy Barnett? You obey God one day at a time. You walk in faith and obedience, every single step. You expect greater things than you could create on your own. You pray passionately for the heart beat of God. You don't quit. You expect more. When you think you've had enough, go for more. You shut out the voice of the enemy, giving no room for anything except what God has in store. You grow in your ability to love and to lead by surrounding yourself with people who do it better than you do. You serve the people who God has placed above you. You give even beyond what you know you have. You love the unlovable and you do whatever it takes to tell the untold. You claim what you know is yours and you walk in confidence because of the grace that you have been given. You live your life with excellence, giving no room for accusers. You hold your head high in the company of naysayers. You push on and make forward motion. You allow God's dreams to flow in your life and explode in your heart. You stop asking the questions of "how" and "why me?" and begin saying things like "Let's do this, God... it's all you." You develop a testimony daily by allowing Him to come through. You allow your character to be developed, by any means necessary. You allow time in your walk with God. You open your life to those who are around you. You put the dreams of the ones you are serving above the dreams in your own heart. You make their dreams come true. You give Him credit every single time, no matter what part you play. These are just a few of the things that God said to me when I asked what I needed to do to be "one of the greats of the faith". Let's do this. I love your heart and I love your passion.

Time for bed. We have church tomorrow.
Just one more,
SV